Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT