I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where