Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...