I accidentally burped into my bong.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you