Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.