you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.