1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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