hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
