I CAN MOONWALK!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
