You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
