I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize