Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love you. Go after that dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
