Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
