Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
