I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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