Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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