would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
