We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
