you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
