I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
