My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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