sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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