She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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