Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
