I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
