Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
