Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
