i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
