He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
