I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
