hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
