it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
