And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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