"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
