I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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