it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
