In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
