Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
