I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
