I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
