I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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