he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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