Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
