Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
