the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
