Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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