Pappa wants mamma naked
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
