I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
