I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
