so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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