She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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