He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
