I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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