she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
