sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if only i could text you this smell
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
