I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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