Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
