What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
