Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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