Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
