my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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