This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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