I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
accomplished twins. life is a go
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
