if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
