The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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