Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
