I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
