ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Even my vagina gasped.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
