i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
