apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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