were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize