Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
