why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
