Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
