Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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