Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
