she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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