Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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