shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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