Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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