i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
