I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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