oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
