um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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